----------------------To Love, Honor and Vacuum------------------
Tired, at your wit's end, or just need a pick-me-up? Let's give 
ourselves a break as we talk parenting and housework with
some common sense for a change!
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Vol. 1, Number 5                                                    May 2003

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Sheila Wray Gregoire: e-mail: Sheila@SheilaWrayGregoire.com

Author of ***To Love, Honor and Vacuum***, coming soon!
And Reality Check, in the Belleville Intelligencer and the
Penticton Herald.

All material Copyright 2003, Sheila Wray Gregoire

This newsletter is distributed by subscription only. If you want
to unsubscribe, instructions are at the bottom of this ezine.

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Know of someone else who would benefit from this newsletter?
Feel free to pass it along, or send me their e-mail!
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IN THIS ISSUE
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1. KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!

2. YOU DESERVE A BREAK!

3. FEATURE ARTICLE:
Raising Kids Who Care: How to Volunteer with your kids

4. FAMILY TIPS:
Sibling harmony

5. BOOK CORNER:
A look back at historical fiction

6. ANNOUNCEMENTS

7. PARENT TO PARENT:
What do you do to keep your kids busy for the summer?

8. REALITY CHECK

9. Subscribe/Unsubscribe Information

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Visit me at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com!

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KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was 
tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the 
light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you 
sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring 
hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 
"The big sissy."

The child was a typical four-year-old girl -- cute, inquisitive, 
bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping 
the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his 
wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page 
after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, 
the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the 
reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked.

"I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

Isn't that how you feel sometimes? I think that one's great.
And let's follow it up with why You Deserve a Break!

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YOU DESERVE A BREAK!

Mother's Day is coming up, and I want to remind you why you
need a break. Here's a job description for "Mother" that I found:

POSITION: 
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy 

JOB DESCRIPTION: 
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work 
in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent 
communication and organizational skills and be willing to work 
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and 
frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, 
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 
endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not 
reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. 

RESPONSIBILITIES: 
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least 
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite 
tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a 
pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds 
flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not 
someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating 
technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously 
sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, 
maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework 
projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social 
gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be 
willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. 
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half 
million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must 
always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume 
final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. 
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial 
work throughout the facility. 

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: 
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for 
years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating 
your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. 

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: 
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a 
continually exhausting basis. 

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: 
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A 
balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption 
that college will help them become financially independent. When you 
die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this 
reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and this wish 
you could only do more. 

BENEFITS: 
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition 
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; 
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free 
hugs for life if you play your cards right. 



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*********FEATURE ARTICLE*********:


If you wander down to the Greater Philadelphia Food Bank on the 
third Saturday of every month, you'll find the warehouse bustling
with people sorting juices, soups, canned vegetables, and huge 
boxes of bulk pasta. Many of these dedicated volunteers will be 
under ten. 

It's not surprising that their parents involve them. According 
to the Points of Light Foundation, more and more people are 
realizing that volunteering is the only viable solution to this 
nation's problems. And as those at this Philadelphia food 
bank know, volunteering is not only for grown-ups! 

Why Volunteer?

We want our children to be compassionate, but there's not many 
ways to show them this on a daily basis. Volunteering is an 
effective way to nurture these traits, for it opens our 
children's eyes to the needs around them.

Kim was worried that her three children had little empathy 
for those less fortunate, so she decided to do something about 
it. Two years ago, she took Kelsey, 8, Jordan, 9 and Kyle, 
11, shopping for a Christmas basket for a needy family. Realizing 
that these people would otherwise have had nothing for 
Christmas was eye opening for the kids. Now they appreciate 
their own toys more, and actually want to help those who have 
little.

The Time Crunch

For many of us, finding the desire to help is much easier than 
finding the time. If you feel overwhelmed by "busy-ness", be 
realistic about your time constraints, but don't give up. 
The answer isn't not to volunteer; it's to incorporate service 
into activities you already do. The more you open your heart 
to the needs around you, the more natural it will become.

If you would like to get more involved in serving, here's 
a list to jumpstart your imagination. Zero in on activities 
that suit your personality and gifts, and your enthusiasm will 
be infectious.

A Smorgasbord of Volunteering Ideas

1. Lend your neighbors a hand. Rake leaves, mow the grass, 
or shovel snow for seniors living near you. Bake cookies or 
make a meal to welcome a new family, a new baby, or to help a 
family through a difficult time. Let your kids choose the 
recipes, measure the ingredients, and help deliver the food. 
Often all it takes is one family reaching out to transform 
a whole neighborhood. 

2. Adopt a refugee or new immigrant family. To be matched up 
with one, call your local Salvation Army's Immigrant 
Services, or call the United Way. These families need help 
learning the language, the culture, or even simple things 
like where to buy groceries or how to register children for 
school. Your children will hear about life in another country, 
and they will learn that all children like to play, 
regardless of where they come from or how they look. 

3. Baby-sit at a community outreach. English as a Second 
Language classes, parenting classes, job search classes, 
and all sorts of other programs will benefit from having 
childcare available on site. Some communities have more 
stringent rules than others do on whether you can bring your 
own kids along, but if you call around you're bound to find 
someone who could use your help!

4. Haul out the garbage bags and rubber gloves and clean up 
a local park. Last summer the families at Parkdale Baptist 
Church in Belleville, Ontario, where I attend, arrived in 
droves to pick up candy wrappers, discarded fast food containers 
and other trash after a waterfront festival. (This had an 
unexpected benefit for me. After finding her twentieth 
moldy cigarette package, my five-year-old remarked to me, 
"Smoking sure is gross, Mommy!") Afterwards, you can share a 
picnic, confident that the area is clean!

5. Run, bike, or push a stroller in one of the many 
fund-raising drives in your area. Every fall where I live we 
have the walk for cancer, the pregnancy crisis center, and 
multiple sclerosis, while in the spring we have walks for 
heart and stroke and breast cancer. My girls love the exciting 
atmosphere at these events, with balloons, singing and loads of fun.

6. Volunteer at your children's school. Help with fundraisers, 
the PTA, tutoring, or anything else that you can think of, and 
encourage your children to do the same. 

7. Shepherd someone who needs you. Contact your local crisis 
pregnancy center and see if there's a teenage mother that you 
can help support. Visit her regularly, and bring your children 
along so she can see how you interact with them. Sometimes the 
best way to teach is to model! If you're really ambitious, 
consider opening up your home to her or to an abandoned child. 
Governments are crying out for loving foster homes, and you can
have a life-changing impact on a child simply by showing love.

8. Encourage your older children to read books on tape for blind 
children. Many books that your children love are not available 
in braille, and children in poorer countries may not even learn 
braille at all. As part of the International Youth Millennium 
Project, four grades 6 and 7 girls from Vancouver recorded part 
of C.S. Lewis' Narnia series for blind children in Guyana. 

9. Raise money for World Vision, Save the Children, or other 
international compassion organizations through car washes, 
bake sales, save your pennies, or other activities children 
can organize. Children often get more excited if the money will 
benefit something specific, like a new school or a well 
drilling program.

Whatever appeals to you, just do it! Make helping people a part 
of your everyday life. Then it will become natural for your 
children, too. When they see injustice, they will ask "what 
can I do to help?", rather than "when are they going to 
fix that problem?". They will begin to take responsibility 
for their own community. Just imagine the results!

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2. FAMILY TIME:

***Sibling Harmony***

I love my children. They love each other. But walk into our 
house some days, and you wouldn't necessarily know it.

"She won't play my game! She always gets to choose the game!".

"She doesn't want to play with me! I don't want to be her sister
anymore!" (Like that's going to work).

My kids go through cycles: three weeks of thinking each other
is the bestest friend you could have in the big whole wide world,
and then one week of not wanting to lay eyes on her.

This month, Keith thought he had the solution. He called both
kids into our room, sat them down, and said maybe it was time 
to give Rebecca her own room (my kids share bunk beds). Maybe
if they had their own space, they'd get along better.

Immediately the bottom lips started trembling. Katie soon was
wailing. "I don't want Becca to go!". And Rebecca followed suit.

So the bunk beds are safe and occupied, and my kids seem happier.
But the flare-ups will happen again, and then what do we do?

I've always lived by the addage "don't interfere unless someone
is bleeding." And even then, think twice. It's not that I don't
have any compassion; it's just that it's too much of a bother, 
and when you do interfere, the kids try so hard to get you to
take their side that it often makes the situation worse. Besides,
working out problems is an important skill, I tell myself, as I 
leave them to each other.

I once read some great advice, which I've never had the guts to 
put into practice, but I'm thinking about it. When the kids were 
fighting, you find the smallest room in the house, like a 
bathroom, and shut them in together. They're not allowed out
until they come to a solution (and it has to be one you agree 
to, to make sure the older one isn't taking advantage of the
younger one). I think that sounds smart.

So far, my strategy has been "lock me in the bedroom". When 
they're fighting too much and I can't stand it, I lock myself 
in my room so they can't yell at me! I grab a nice book, some
ear plugs, and relax. They calm down pretty quickly.

Kids may fight now, but if you force them to work it out, they 
generally will, and they'll remain friends. I don't really 
have any siblings, and that's a heartache I carry with me. My
mother is great friends with her sisters, though she wasn't 
always as a kid. Siblings are forever. But they sure can mess
up today! So let's help them work it out now, to preserve
the friendship for later.

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How do you handle sibling fights? Let me know at
www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com/contact.htm
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BOOK CORNER

We've been reading historical fiction lately, and I'm totally
hooked on it. Here's why:

Kids are essentially selfish. I'm not trying to be judgmental,
it's just that babies are born not knowing that they're separate
from their mothers. Everything revolves around them. And as 
kids enter the teen years, it doesn't get a whole lot better!

And then kids start feeling sorry for themselves. It's a natural
phase of life, but I don't think it's inevitable, and I don't 
particularly want to live through it, not if I can help it.

So how do you take your kids' eyes off of themselves and on 
to the rest of the world? How do you give them some perspective?
Let's show them how the rest of the world lives. Let's show 
them how their ancestors lived, and the trials they faced. And 
historical fiction is awfully interesting.

For a story set today to be popular, it has to be almost 
completely character driven. Nothing else is that "new" that it
will enthrall kids. But historical fiction is interesting 
because it's different--but still has kids dealing with 
important issues.

Click here to see some of my picks for historical fiction.

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ANNOUNCEMENTS

Here's what's going on in my life:

1. The Guelph Mercury has picked up my column on a trial basis!
If you know anyone in Guelph, please ask them to e-mail the 
editor and say how much they liked my column!

2. My book, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, hits the stands in July! 
I'm hoping to have a launch party sometime this summer in 
Belleville. I'll keep you posted.

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PARENT TO PARENT QUESTION

Here is this month's question:

***How do you motivate kids, and especially teens, to
do chores? And what do you require them to do?*****

The most frequent answer was: Allowance, allowance, allowance!

Set a reasonable allowance, and then they only get it if they
do their chores. That will make them do them, if they have
any hope of buying candy or designer jeans again!

Another frequently mentioned item was to confiscate toys/
belongings that were found around the house. If they left things
lying around, they lost them. 

I have to admit we've tried both these things, and they work.
The biggest potential pitfall is not following through. I 
often have lofty ideas of how I'm going to get my kids to 
obey, and then one day I'm tired and let them get away 
with everything, and the whole thing falls apart! 

But we've been doing the allowance thing pretty reliably for
about a year now, and the house is certainly looking neater.

Here's June's question:

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What do you do to entertain kids during the summer? Let
me know, and I'll post your answers here next month!
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REALITY CHECK

Here's my favourite reality check from April.

I'm linking to it on my website, to keep this from getting
too long!

In Gratitude for Nana

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