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----------------------To Love, Honor and Vacuum------------------
Tired, at your wit's end, or just need a pick-me-up? Let's give
ourselves a break as we talk parenting and housework with
some common sense for a change!
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Vol. 1, Number 6
June 2003
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Sheila Wray Gregoire: e-mail: Sheila@SheilaWrayGregoire.com
Author of To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a
maid than a wife and a mother, available now!
And Reality Check, in the Belleville Intelligencer and the
Penticton Herald.
All material Copyright 2003, Sheila Wray Gregoire
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Know of someone else who would benefit from this newsletter?
Feel free to pass it along, or send me their e-mail!
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IN THIS ISSUE
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1. WELCOME TO ALL THE NEW SUBSCRIBERS!
2. FEATURE ARTICLE:
Keep your Eyes on the Prize
3. KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!
A compilation of essays: The History of the World
4. YOU DESERVE A BREAK
5. FAMILY TIPS:
Summer Backyard Children's Projects
5. BOOK CORNER:
Choosing books for that awkward age: Tweens and teens
6. PARENT TO PARENT:
What do you do to keep your kids busy for the summer?
7. REALITY CHECK
8. Subscribe/Unsubscribe Information
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Visit me at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com!
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1. WELCOME TO ALL MY NEW SUBSCRIBERS!
This past month I've had a ton of new subscribers--and not from
the same sources as before! Many of you don't know me at all,
and others of you met me up in Muskoka when I gave a seminar
there.
So let me tell you a bit about who I am:
I'm a writer and speaker with a passion for helping women find
fulfillment in their lives and helping them to raise great kids.
I think women face a really tough road today, probably more
difficult than at any other time in history in some specific
ways (though not in all--at least we can run to the local
supermarket for Haagen-Daz when we need it!).
More is expected of us than ever before, but at the same time
marriages are harder to keep together and so many things conspire
to pull our kids away from us. I hope that in this newsletter
I can help give us strategies to cope with the problems in our
lives and make our families richer in the process!
I write a weekly parenting column that appears in Belleville and
Penticton, both in Canada, and I have a book that's out this
month called To Love, Honor and Vacuum ???: when you feel more
like a maid than a wife and a mother. I'll be sending more on
this next month when I have my official launch in bookstores!
I hope you find this newsletter helpful. Please stop by my
website and read some of my articles and columns, or just check
out some of the funny things I've got posted. Thanks for
subscribing, and pass this newsletter along!
Sheila.
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*********FEATURE ARTICLE*********:
KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE
If there's one word that describes almost every woman today, it's
"TIRED". We are all too tired. We ask ourselves to do too much,
others expect much of us, and we get little help. And it shows!
Our lives are busier than ever before, yet at the same time
as we spend all this time "working" for our family, we often
find that the relationships we desperately need to sustain us
are often fleeting.
How can this be? How can we put in so many hours, and yet not
connect with our kids? How can we be going from sunup until
sundown, and yet feel little connection to our husbands (those
of us who have them) or have little time to leave room
for such relationships?
The answer, I think, is that many of us are busy for the wrong
reasons. The problem, though, is not US. Our whole society's
crazy. I think we all need a bit of a reality check, so that
we can give ourselves a break and shift our focus to more
important things.
When you're running a race, you're looking at the finish line.
You know where you're going, and you're running in such a way
as to get there as quickly as possible.
At other times in our lives we may also be running at full
speed. But perhaps instead of actually getting to the finish
line, we're just spinning our wheels. We're putting out
tremendous effort, but we're not anywhere. Why? Because
we have to keep our eyes on the prize.
1. Keep Perspective
Stephen Covey, in his now famous book "7 Habits of Highly
Effective People", submits that effective people "begin with
the end in mind". They know where they're headed, so they
make sure they're headed in the right direction.
What is your goal in life? Many of us have never actually
articulated it. But think about it. At the end of your
life, what do you want your obituary to say? Most of us
have slightly different answers, although some common
things emerge.
Children and relationships will top the list. We want to
be good mothers. We want to make a lasting impression on
our kids. Some of us also have specific things we want to
pass on; perhaps religious beliefs, hobbies or skills, or
personality traits like compassion.
We want to impact our community. For some of us that may
mean political activism, or volunteering, or just being
the neighbourhood mother hen.
For others of us, career goals may well play a part. But
ultimately, when all is said and done, what we want is
our family.
2. Judge Your Life by this Perspective
Now that you've decided where you want to be headed, ask
yourself, is that where I'm going? If you want good
relationships with your children, you're going to need
to spend quantity time with them, and not just quality
time. If your kids are getting shuffled to five different
after-school activities, such time is probably very
limited.
Similarly, if kids are scattering because they would
rather be anywhere other than home, this goal is going
to be difficult to achieve.
Is your home comfortable for your kids? Do they have
places where they can be themselves? Are they comfortable
inviting friends over?
Are your kids comfortable with you? Are you relaxed
enough to devote real time to them, or are you often
snappy? What can you do to reduce your own stress so
you can concentrate on the relationships that matter to
you?
3. Purge your Life of the Unnecessary!
All of us have things in our lives we would be better
off getting rid of. Recently my husband and I have
been realizing we have been overcommitted in our church
and our community. While we're involved in many "good
causes", we don't have time just to sit around and play
Monopoly with the children. And that's time that's
precious and that you can't always get back.
Perhaps there are things that you, too, can get rid
of. For some of you, like us, it may be outside
commitments. Some people may also be working outside
the home more than is financially necessary. Perhaps
lightening your outside burden would lower your stress
level at home!
And finally, physically purging your life of "stuff" can
also bring great relief! When we're surrounded by
clutter, we have to clean it, tidy it, repair it,
stare at it, and stress over it. If you have things in
your house that are making it difficult to keep tidy,
then a trip to Goodwill is probably in order.
There is nothing more precious than people, and lost
time with those we love is something we can never
reclaim. Let's work today on keeping our eyes on the
prize, and get rid of the rest. Maybe we can start
to transform society, one family at a time, so that
we again remember how satisfying family can be!
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3. KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS!
The following is taken from a variety of students' essays over
the years, and combined by Richard Lederer. It was published in
Ann Landers' column on July 27, 2000, but I saw a copy about 15
years before that, so it's been circulating for a while now.
Anyway, in keeping with this month's education theme, here is:
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********* The History of the World ************
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Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Jacob, son of
Isaac, stole his brother's birthmark. One of Jacob's sons,
Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They traveled by
Camelot. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they
made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any
ingredients. David was a Hebrew king who fought the Philatelists.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
The Greeks invented three kinds of columns -- Corinthian, Doric
and Ironic. The mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Styx
until he became intolerable. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran
races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The
reward to the victor was a coral wreath. Socrates was a famous
Greek teacher who died from an overdose of wedlock.
Eventually, the Ramones conquered the Greeks. Nero was a cruel
tyrant who tortured his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
In the Middle Ages, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the
Battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was canonized by George Bernard
Shaw. The Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged
twice for the same offense. William Tell shot an arrow through
an apple while standing on his son's head.
In the Renaissance, Martin Luther was nailed to the church
door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a
horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. The painter
Donatello's interest in the female nude made him the father
of the Renaissance. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter
Raleigh invented cigarettes, and Sir Francis Drake circumcised
the world with a 100-foot clipper.
Queen Elizabeth's navy defeated the Spanish Armadillo. William
Shakespeare wrote about Romeo and Juliet, a romantic couplet.
Miguel Cervantes wrote ``Donkey Hote.'' John Milton wrote
``Paradise Lost.'' Then, his wife died, and he wrote ``Paradise
Regained.''
Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered
America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were the Nina,
the Pinta and the Santa Fe.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was that the English
put tacks in their tea. Benjamin Franklin invented electricity
by rubbing cats backward. Franklin died in 1790, and is still
dead.
Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable
in autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees. Bach and
Handel were famous composers. Handel was half-German, half-Italian
and half-English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the
present. Beethoven was so deaf that he wrote loud music. Samuel
Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered
a cure for rabbis. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx
became one of the Marx Brothers.
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If you want to read more stuff on schools, check out a sample
eighth-grade final exam from 1895 I have posted on my website
(along with the answers!). Could you pass it?....
www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com/Education/Education.htm
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4. YOU DESERVE A BREAK!
Ever wondered what you would get paid if you could paid for
housework? Well, a study in Britain figured it out. Most women,
it turns out, would make more money if they were paid for all
the housework, childcare and errands than they did than they
currently do for their full-time jobs. How much could they earn
if they were paid for housework? 21,000 pounds, or roughly
$42,000 CA.
How much housework does that work out to be? For women, it's
roughly 84 hours a week when you have kids under the age of 3.
That includes 14 hours for cooking, 21 hours washing and ironing,
and 13 hours cleaning. Men, on the other hand, spend roughly 31
hours a week on household chores, compared with 56 hours per week
from women who do work outside the home (the number is higher for
women if they stay home).
The point of all this? Most of us work really hard, and most of
us are really tired. That's why I wrote my book, To Love, Honor
and Vacuum. It provides strategies for women to get their
housework done quicker, help so that we don't feel so much of our
self-worth caught up in how neat our living rooms look, and
strategies to recruit help from husbands and kids. I use real-life
examples and biblical solutions, and if you'd like a copy, here's
the info:
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********* ORDER YOUR COPY OF TO LOVE, HONOR AND VACUUM *********
To order:
1. Purchase it through www.amazon.com or www.amazon.ca.
2. Purchase it directly through me (using PAYPAL or sending a
cheque). It's $15.00 including postage for Canadians. You
can send the cheque to:
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Box 20201
Belleville, ON
K8N 5V1
Or, you can pay by Paypal in US funds. It's $10.00 US, and
you can use the Paypal address ks_gregoire@sympatico.ca.
To sign up for a Paypal account (it's easy and it's free, I
use mine all the time!), go here:
https://www.paypal.com/refer/pal=CM2L9GSRN6N6G
3. Ask for it at your local Christian bookstore.
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5. FAMILY TIME:
One of my "online writing buddies" sent me this article about
making summers fun by creating an oasis for your kids in your
backyard.
I loved it, and I thought I'd share it with you.
Lynda Allison, the author, is from Bowmanville, Ontario,
where she operates Write-Up Writing Services. She can be
found at www.writeup.ca.
*******Summer Backyard Children's Projects***
What are summer yards made of? Ponds and chimes, and painted
toad homes. That's what summer yards are made of. It's hot, the
kids are bored, and you're saving your money for holidays.
Here is a trilogy of inexpensive backyard projects you can use
to bust summer boredom.
When making backyard crafts with your children, simple is best
and often more satisfying. The following projects require few
materials, are simple to do and easy on the pocket book.
Ponds don't have to be elaborate, architectural works of art
to be enjoyed. For kids half the fun is in the collecting.
To make your own mini-pond, here is all you need:
- Spade
- 50-cm high plastic garbage can (dark brown or green)
- Stones
- Algae-controlling water plants
- Perennial plants, goldfish and elodeia plants (optional)
1. Select an out of the way spot for your pond with at least
partial shading, like in an existing garden where children
won't step when playing.
2. Dig a hole a little wider but not quite as deep as the
garbage can.
3. Put the can in the hole and firmly pack around it some
of the soil you just dug out. Have the can extend about 10 cm
above the ground.
4. Add water.
5. Collect random shaped and sized stones to place around
the rim of the can to hide the edge. Support with soil where
necessary.
6. After twenty-four hours, add algae-controlling water plants.
7. If adding goldfish, include elodeia plants to oxidize the
water. Provide small portions of fish food until the pond is
home to enough small creatures to feed fish.
8. Check periodically. In dry weather, top up water. When
littered, clean out leaves or debris.
Now that you've got the sights of summer, don't forget to
include the sounds. Clay pot wind chimes use warm summer breezes
to make lazy, hazy summer music and crazy fun. For a backyard
summer symphony, choose pots of varying sizes. You'll need these
items:
- Paint brushes
- Acrylic paints
- Varying sized clay pots
- Jute
- Fishing line
- Small pieces of pottery or shell
1. Using summer garden colors, paint dots, swirls, and swooshes on
clay pots to form patterns and original designs. Let dry.
2. Cut three one-metre lengths of jute, knot one end and braid
together.
3. Thread unknotted end of braided jute through the hole in the
bottom of the pot from the outside to the inside. Knot several times
until knot won't pull through the hole.
4. To fasten the clapper, cut a 15-cm length of fishing line and
tie one end around pottery or shell piece and the other end to jute
braid inside the pot.
5. Hang by varying lengths of jute braid from tree bows or branches.
Children love small backyard creatures, so send an invitation to
local toads to make your garden their home. They'll serve two
functions: eat your garden insects and delight your kids. And no,
they won't give you warts. When shopping for clay pots to make
wind chimes, select an additional medium-sized one or two to
make toad houses. Together with the pots, paint brushes and
acrylic paint, you'll need a trowel.
1. Paint leaves or patterns on clay pots including the bottom
using natural colours (browns, greens, and yellows). Let dry.
2. Choose a spot in your garden sheltered by plants or bushes.
Dig a 2-cm deep recess the size of you pot.
3. Place the pot on its side in the recess and coat the bottom
side with soil.
4. Put leaves, twigs, and natural debris inside and around the
pot.
5. Take the lid from the garbage can you used for your pond, turn
it upside down, tuck in a discreet location and add water. Toads
sit in water and absorb moisture through their skin.
Try grouping these backyard projects or come up with themes of
your own. For instance, make a miniature bird sanctuary with
bird feeders, nesting boxes, and cement birdbaths. Borrow the
elements to make wind vanes, sun clocks, and light catchers.
Individually these projects add your child's tune to the
backyard. Together they harmonize childhood into a summer
backyard song.
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BOOK CORNER
My friend Bonnie has a daughter who is ten who loves to do
nothing more than to curl up with a good book. Most parents
would relish having such a child. Unfortunately, though,
one can often run into trouble.
The reason? She has read every decent children's book that
Bonnie knows. Now what does she read? Bonnie doesn't want
her reading inappropriate material, but often "kids" books
just seem too young to someone who has been reading novels for
years.
Even parents of kids who aren't such avid readers run into
similar problems when their kids reach their early teens. At
that age, they're too young for the vast majority of "adult"
books, the kind we would read, but the books written for kids
their ages often seem to talk down to them, or to be downright
stupid.
What to do? Try introducing them to some books for adults that
you know aren't inappropriate. Here are a few:
1. Agatha Christie mysteries. Most kids love mysteries, and
the books that often hook readers in the first place are
Encyclopedia Brown, Nancy Drew, or Hardy Boys. Agatha Christie
is the Grand Dame of mysteries, and they don't have sexual
content or swear words, or other things you may want to shield
your kids from.
2. The great classics. Try anything written before 1900. Robert
Louis Stevenson, Mark Twain, Jane Austen, or the Bronte sisters.
Often they're a little harder to understand, so they're better
for kids who are at least teens, if not older. But they're
wonderful stories that are not read nearly enough today.
What about other methods of choosing books? One way is to ask
the librarian, although you shouldn't always assume that
the librarian will share your opinion of what you think is
appropriate! But don't give up. Reading can be a wonderful
hobby that can last a lifetime, but teens are often turned
off. Keep searching until you find something they like. It's
worth it!
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PARENT TO PARENT QUESTION
Here was May's question:
***What do you do to entertain kids during the summer?*****
A lot of people sent me in answers for this one! Here's
what they had to say:
- Have a picnic in your backyard
(Maureen Kowal, Bolton, ON)
- Read on a porch swing
- Visit the library
- Bike everywhere (take a bike ride to the nearest park and
visit the beach)
- Read one book a week that is approved by Mom, and do
some homework every week
- Have friends over
(Tricia Goyer, author of From Dust to Ashes,
www.thegoyers.com/dustandashes)
- Swimming lessons
- Join the reading program at the library
- Outing every week (museum, berry picking, etc.)
(Lelia Marshall, California)
- Reader Melanie Marshall makes sure that her 13-year-old
son volunteers at various community activities, whether
it's at a local special needs camp or at Vacation Bible
School. "Since he is too young for employment in retail
jobs, etc., these practice jobs are perfect", she says.
- Use outings as rewards for good behaviour. Last summer
we went to the library two times a week.
It was earned by good behavior. But this year we
wanted something that would get the kids out - and
give a daily incentive to be good! We have a variety
of parks in our rural neighborhoods - although each is
quite a drive. If they earn it (both of them), I
drive them over. If I'm feeling social, I join them
on the playground, maybe walk a bit to relieve my own
stress. If I'm having a bad hair day, I choose a park
when I can sit close by my car and read a book.
It's only been about three weeks - but it's worked so
far. For us, part of the agreement is that (with a
two-minute warning) we leave without fussing.
Otherwise, we lose the trip for the next day.
Works for us!
(Annette Dammer, author of Teen Light magazine,
www.teenlight.org, and for aspiring writers,
check out www.writershelper.org)
Here's one of my favourite responses. I really want to live
at this woman's house (it sounds idyllic):
"We live out in the country. We get a small pool and the
kids have a tree house and a trampoline and sand pile.
We take short-range field trips to town or to Muskogee
or Tulsa when we need to get away from the house (local
museums, flea markets, hobby lobby, book stores, etc.). Or we go
visiting. We have a collection of audio books for rainy or
too hot days. We go to the library and check out about
50 books every 2 weeks. We don't have a TV set, so
reading is more of a hobby here. After supper, we work
in the garden or relax outside. We sit in the lawn chairs or
play Frisbee with Dad. My kids get up early. They rarely
sleep past 7:30. We keep popsicles and allow one at 10
and one at 2. The kids are required to help with chores
daily too. I think kids can entertain themselves if they
are not too addicted to being entertained by TV, parents
or computers. I make a fun list of things they can do if they
feel bored and post that on the bulletin. Work also relieves
boredom. Today, the kids are riding bikes, swimming and
getting their tent set up to camp out tonight. We'll
have a little campfire after supper and toast marshmallows.
(Elece Hollis, Oklahoma, mother of 7)
Here's another great idea:
"One of the things I've done with the kids since they
were tiny is to buy them a brand new blank book each
summer (typically on the first day of summer holidays,
we take a trip to the stationery store, and I let them
each pick out their own with a decorative hard cover.)
These become their journals - and they have to write in
them every day. When the kids were tiny, I had them colour
a picture each day, and I would add their dictated caption.
As they got older, I asked them to write one sentence,
then one paragraph, finally "at least one page".
Now, consistency has always been a problem. In spite of
my best intentions, we seem to keep up our journals only
very sporadically over the summer (we start out great, but
I'd say we wind up averaging a couple of times a week by
the time September rolls around). But the kids save all
their journals, and they love looking back over them.
I also find this is a great time to work with them a bit
on their spelling and penmanship!
(Patricia Paddey, Toronto, ON)
Finally, a number of people suggested berry picking and
gardening, both of which are big over at my house, too!
Here's July's question:
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What chores do you make your kids do during the summer? How
do you make sure they do them?
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REALITY CHECK
Here's my favourite reality check from May.
I'm linking to it on my website, to keep this from getting
too long!
www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com/Education/col11_boys.htm
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