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----------------------To Love, Honor and Vacuum------------------
Tired, at your wit's end, or just need a pick-me-up? Let's give
ourselves a break as we talk parenting and housework with
some common sense for a change!
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Vol. 1, Number 8
August 2003
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Sheila Wray Gregoire: e-mail: Sheila@SheilaWrayGregoire.com
Author of To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a
maid than a wife and a mother, available now!
And Reality Check, in the Belleville Intelligencer and the
Penticton Herald.
All material Copyright 2003, Sheila Wray Gregoire
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Know of someone else who would benefit from this newsletter?
Feel free to pass it along, or send me their e-mail!
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IN THIS ISSUE
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1. WELCOME TO ALL THE NEW
SUBSCRIBERS!
2. FEATURE ARTICLE:
Defeating Clutter (And the
Paralysis that Goes With It)!
3. KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST
THINGS!
4. YOU DESERVE A BREAK
Banish the 10 Biggest Energy
Zappers
5. FAMILY TIPS:
Capture the Moment
5. BOOK CORNER:
What makes a book great?
6. PARENT TO PARENT:
How do you motivate your hubby to
clean?
7. REALITY CHECK
8. Subscribe/Unsubscribe
Information
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1. WELCOME TO ALL
MY NEW SUBSCRIBERS!
Welcome to everyone who has recently
joined, especially those
who heard me on the radio. I hope this newsletter can be
an encouragement to you, and a challenge to focus on our
relationships, and not only our dust bunnies!
I write a weekly parenting column that
appears in Belleville and
Penticton, both in Canada, and I have a book that's out this
month called To Love, Honor and Vacuum: when you feel more
like a maid than a wife and a mother.
Sheila.
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*********FEATURE
ARTICLE*********:
DEFEATING CLUTTER (AND
THE PARALYSIS THAT GOES WITH IT)
Have you ever glanced around your
house, sighed deeply, threw
up your arms in despair and watched television instead? We all
have.
For some of us, our entire homes are
disasters. We have stuff
everywhere, we don't know how to organize it, and the home
is never clean.
Others of us may have sparkling
homes--as long as you don't
open that closet door! Or maybe our living rooms look great, but
the bedrooms look like Kansas during tornado season.
So let's be honest: Stuff piled up =
emotional exhaustion.
It's that simple. If you have to walk
by clutter everyday of your
life, you're going to feel as if there's a job that you haven't
done, but at the same time feel too overwhelmed to attack it.
And sometimes, if we're honest with ourselves, we don't want to.
We're afraid to throw anything out. Maybe your kids are 8 and 10,
but you still have garbage bags full of baby clothes in their
closet, leaving no room for their clothes, which are now all
over their floor or bulging out of drawers. Or maybe you don't
have room for that heirloom silver brush and mirror set your
grandmother gave you in your bedroom, because your husband's
trophies from the softball tournament in sixth grade are there,
along with VISA statements from 7 years ago, last year's
birthday cards, and slips of phone numbers you didn't want
to forget.
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Here's a challenge to you: Next time you do
housework, try to work up a sweat. Fold that
laundry as fast as you can, dust like a maniac, and
clean
that kitchen while running. Put on some fast
music
to help you along. You'll be done a lot
quicker, and then your exercise for the day will be
done,
too!
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It's too overwhelming to tackle, so you
do nothing, and
that emotional exhaustion builds and builds and builds.
So let's decide that we're going to use
some of the time we
have this summer to tackle it before school begins again. But
don't worry; I'm not going to make you do it all at once. Here
are some tips for defeating clutter:
1. Set the timer for 10 minutes, and do
just one small part.
If the whole bedroom is overwhelming, just do one bookshelf,
or one drawer.
2. Have three boxes on hand: one for
things to give away, one
for things to throw away, and one for things you're not sure
about. Pack up all the things you're not sure about, tape
up the box, but the date on it, and stuff it in the closet.
If, one year after that date, you haven't opened the box,
give it away without opening it again! You don't really
need that stuff.
3. Throw out everything you don't
really love. Knick knacks
just collect dust, and if they don't make you feel wonderful,
chuck them. Only keep things in your house that make you
feel good (that's why my house has very few knick knacks but
tons and tons of family photos).
4. Throw out clothes that make you feel
ugly. Don't wear
something that makes you miserable, even if you paid a lot
of money for it. It's better to have only six outfits if you
feel they flatter you than twenty that make you feel dumpy.
Besides that, it takes up far less room in the closet!
So that's it: try ten minutes a day.
It's amazing how much
you can get done in ten minutes, and soon your emotional
energy will return!
Best of all, once you've decluttered,
it's easier to keep the
house neat. From now on, have a rule: if something comes in the
house, something goes out. Keep a box in your front hall closet
of things for Goodwill, and fill it up on a regular basis.
The less stuff you have, the less there is to tidy and to clean!
(I have more tips like this in my book,
To Love, Honor and
Vacuum. You can read more about it below).
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3. KIDS SAY THE
FUNNIEST THINGS!
Here are some adorable kids' prayers I
found on the internet.
I hope you're blessed! And if your kid ever says anything like
this, be sure to write it down. You'll want to remember:
Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the
whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can
never do it. - Nan
Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new
shoes. - Mickey
Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You
are on vacation? - Jane
Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will
tell
me. Love, Alison
Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? - Lucy
Dear GOD,
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it
an accident? - Norma
Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church.
Is that okay? - Neil
Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You
had everything. - Jane
Dear GOD,
Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto
you"?
Because if You did, then I'm going to fix my brother. - Darla
Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for
was a puppy. - Joyce
Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before.
You can look it up. - Bruce
Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not
with so much hair all over. - Sam
Dear GOD,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both
ways. - Dean
Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -
Ruth M.
Dear GOD,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. - Elliott
Dear GOD,
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David
the best. -Rob
Dear GOD,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound
right. They're just kidding, aren't they? - Marsha
Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they
said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea. - Sincerely, Donna
Dear GOD,
The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry
land, you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with YOU. That's
what I would do TOO. - Eddie
Dear GOD,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset
You made on Tuesday. That was cool. -Eugene
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4. YOU DESERVE A BREAK!
Do you feel tired all the time? Before
feeling guilty or
defeatist about it, see if you suffer from any of these energy
zappers:
1. Thirst
You lose the equivalent of 10 cups of water just from everyday
living. And you replace only about 4 through eating. Hidden
dehydration robs you of energy and makes you feel lethargic.
2. Darkness
When it's dark, your body says, "sleep". When it's
light, your
body says "get up and move!" When you get up in the
morning,
throw open the curtains immediately. Get as much light as you
can, and you'll feel more energetic!
3. High fat diet
Have you ever finished a meal and wanted to go and lie down?
That's
because you fed your body high fat foods which tend to make us
lethargic.
4. Poor sleep habits
If you don't sleep consistently at the same time for at least
eight hours or more, you are probably throwing your body out of
whack. It doesn't know when it's supposed to be awake, and when
it's supposed to be asleep. Sleep isn't an indulgence; it's
a necessity!
5. TV watching
When we feed our minds with television, we are encouraging our
bodies to be passive. Even "smart" shows, like the
History Channel
or the evening news, can zap energy because they turn your body
to "sedentary" mode. So take television in moderation,
and make
sure you're being active the rest of the time.
6. Inactivity
If you don't use it, you lose it. Even little things like
climbing stairs or carrying heavy groceries can zap your energy if
you don't regularly use your body in other ways. So walk, run,
bike,
play tag with your kids, or anything to get your body moving!
7. Pessimism
Attitude is the key to how we experience life. Being pessimistic
about your relationships, your job prospects, or anything in your
life zaps your energy to do what's necessary. So go to God and ask
Him to give you His vision of your life: that He has a plan for
you,
that you are worthwhile, and that He loves you.
8. Unfulfilling work
We all need to feel that we are contributing in some way to
others.
If you spend much of your life involved in work that seems to
serve
no purpose, consider a change. If that's not possible, try
volunteering outside of your work at something that you do feel
is worthwhile, to give you a new perspective on your life.
9. Strained relationships
Perhaps nothing causes as much stress as tension with the ones we
love. It colors our outlook on everything else. Make sure you take
time to nurture the relationships with the ones you love.
10. Disorganization
Wasted time and energy zaps you. And disorganization is one of the
major culprits. If you routinely hunt through drawers to find
things,
if you never have clean laundry, or if you find yourself always
scrambling it could be that you haven't organized your life as
well as
you could. Take a look at the things that waste you time, and see
if
you can do these things differently. Soon you'll find yourself
with
lots of time you never used to have.
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********* ORDER YOUR COPY OF TO LOVE, HONOR AND VACUUM *********
To order:
2. Purchase it directly through me
(using PAYPAL or sending a
cheque).
It's $17.00 including
postage for Canadians. You
can send the cheque to:
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Box 20201
Belleville, ON
K8N 5V1
3. Ask for it at your local Christian
bookstore.
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5. FAMILY TIME:
***************CAPTURE
THE MEMORIES****************************
As parents, we all have times we vow
that we will remember,
the way she sounded when she said "mama", the way he
looks when
he sleeps, the way she skips around the house. Yet too often
our memories betray us, and we can't conjure up that image,
no matter how hard we try.
So here's some tips for capturing
precious moments with our
kids:
1. Keep a notebook by your bed, and at
the beginning of the
month, write down some of your most vivid memories of your kids.
It doesn't have to be long; just impressions of what you loved.
Then answer some questions: what's the funniest thing she said
this month? What's the naughtiest thing he did? What's her
favourite movie right now? Who is his best friend?
2. Use kids' hands for decorations.
Take handprints in bright
paint and frame them in primary color frames (red, blue, yellow)
for decoration. Or let them put paint on their hands and then
use their hands like "stamps" on a shelf, a piece of
furniture,
or even a wall.
3. Have your kids make scrapbooks of
family vacations, or
just their summer. Let them write down their favorite thing
they did, or draw a picture of their favorite activity.
4. Every few months, go through their
"artwork" that's on your
fridge, the floor of your car, and all over their rooms. Choose
your ten favorite pictures, date them and put them in a folder.
At the end of the year, go to Staples or Business Depot and get
them bound together with those comb binders (costs about $1.00).
5. Take videos everytime it rains and
the kids don't know
what to do with themselves. Ask them to sing their favorite
songs, do a dance, or tell a story (when I lost my first
tooth, etc.) These will be precious to replay at their wedding!
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INSPIRATION:
Remember, God cares
more about you than about the size of the
dust bunnies under your bed!
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BOOK CORNER
What makes a book great?
Hopefully we all have memories of some
fictional character we
fell in love with while reading a child. They got under our
skin, became part of who we are. We cried with them, laughed
with them, and travelled with them.
And because they were so memorable, we
began to identify with
them. When they had a moral dilemma, it became our moral
dilemma. That's why books can stretch you in a way nothing
else can. Because reading is active, rather than passive, when
we read a book affects us so much more than almost anything
else. And good characters can help us grow as people.
Most books, however, aren't written
like this, and that's too
bad. Some of the most popular kids' books, if you judge by
their location in Chapters or Barnes and Noble, are the silly
series type, like Mary Kate and Ashley, the Babysitters Club,
or Goosebumps. Why do kids read these? For the same reason
they eat potato chips. It's fun, doesn't require much effort,
and everybody does it.
But no one can truly identify with Mary
Kate the way we can
with Anne of Green Gables. She's not deep enough; she's more
like an image. So we may feel like we've won if our kids are
at least reading these series books. But we're settling for
junk food, and these books aren't likely to make your kids
readers for life.
So what do you do if your kids are
addicted to these? Read
them out loud something that you loved as a kid. Even if
they're old enough to read themselves! They'll still enjoy
snuggling with you before bed, and just read a chapter a
night. When you're halfway through, you can always suggest
they finish it themselves, and start another together.
Once your kids start reading truly
great books, Mary Kate
will soon lose her appeal.
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PARENT TO PARENT QUESTION
Here was June's question:
***How do you
motivate your hubby to clean?*****
Most people wrote saying they didn't
know, but they hoped
I had the answer!
Here's what one woman says:
"Make sure he has a place to put
all of his stuff. Give him
a desk, or a corner of the bedroom, that's his. Then he won't
dump stuff where you don't want it!".
Sounds like a good idea to me. Usually
the reason we have
clutter piling up, after all, is because there's no natural
place for it to go.
So here's my quick answer (I go into
this in much more detail
in the book):
First, remember: it's more important
that your husband play
with your kids than that he clean. If he works long hours, he
may not have a lot of time at home. And the kids need him.
But that being said, if he's not
working long hours (or if
his hours are as long as yours), it may seem fair that he
does help. You're probably right, but remember these things:
1. Nagging doesn't work and it drives
him away. If he feels
judged or treated like a child, he'll resent you and not
want to help.
2. Men thrive on appreciation. Thank
him for doing things,
even if it's things you've been doing for years. It will
make it more likely he'll do things again.
3. Don't demand that he do everything
your way. If it's
not cleaned to your satisfaction, at least it's better
than it was before. If you make him feel inadequate, he's
not going to want to help at all.
4. Ask. We women often assume men know
what they should be
doing. But most men weren't raised to clean, and most
don't really think of the house as their responsibility.
So if you want something done, ask him. Don't wait for
him to notice the piles he's left in the living room.
But ask him simply, without sounding judgmental, and
it's more likely to get done.
I have plenty of other tips in my book,
but I hope
these are a starting point. Good luck!
Here's September's question:
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What are you going to do differently during
this school year
to reduce stress in your house?
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E-mail me and let me know your answers,
and I'll publish them
here next month!
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REALITY CHECK
I'm linking to two different columns
this month: one is hard hitting, and the other is just a humorous
look at labor with
my youngest daughter. So here you go:
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