- What is
your purpose in writing To Love, Honor and Vacuum?
I wrote this book for two
reasons. First, to help women who feel overwhelmed with all the
stuff that fills their days—housework, errands, chauffeuring
kids, cooking—to get a handle on these chores so they don’t
take up as much time. God doesn’t care about the size of the
dust bunnies under our beds—He cares about our relationships,
both with Him and with others! And relationships take time!
Second, I want to encourage
women to take a look at the family relationships they are
creating, and make sure that these reflect Jesus’ priorities.
- How have
women’s priorities changed over the centuries?
I’m not sure that women’s
priorities per se have changed as much as their ability to meet
their priorities has. Christian women have always wanted the same
things: to raise kids who love God, to love God themselves, and to
have intimate marriages. But much of this was a lot easier to
attain in the days when families worked together much more so than
it is today when families work separately and play separately. We
don’t have community in the same way we used to, so things,
rather than relationships, take on far too much importance, even
when we don’t want them to.
- How does
the 21st century woman get her priorities straight?
Cut, cut, cut! Let’s be
brutal and cut out the things from our lives that are keeping us
from our focus: namely, Jesus. We need time to have good
relationships with our kids, so let’s get rid of the committee
meetings, the fourteen extra-curricular kids’ activities, and
the work that’s taking us away from our kids. Let’s get rid of
as much "stuff" in our homes as possible, because all
that "stuff" needs dusting, repair, and creates clutter.
Then, let’s make sure
that our lives are focused on relationships rather than things
that need to get done. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I say
to my two daughters is "Hurry, up, let’s go, hurry
up!" When that happens, it’s time to re-evaluate.
- How can we
keep our focus on our priorities?
In To Love, Honor and
Vacuum, I recommend readers ask themselves three questions to
figure out if their lives are on track. First, are all members of
my family looking more like Christ? And that includes you! Do you
have time to study the Bible, are your relationships such that we
can encourage each other to imitate Christ? If not, it’s time to
re-evaluate. Second, are you a good steward of your gifts? Do you
use your time wisely? Is your house for show, or do you use it to
welcome people in, like your kids’ friends, neighbors, and
others who need to know God? Finally, Are you a stumbling block to
others? It’s easy to be a stumbling block to our kids,
especially if we’re not teaching them to obey and respect. And
we can be a stumbling block to our friends if by our lives we show
them that Christianity means being overly busy, often frenzied,
and never at peace.
- In today’s
faced-paced world, what is required to keep a household running
smoothly?
Have a plan! If you know
what you’re making for dinner for the rest of the week, for
instance, you can do one big trip to the grocery store instead of
plenty of emergency trips when it’s 5:30 and you realize you
have nothing to cook! Plans save time. We also need to recruit
help, rather than relying on ourselves to do it all. Kids should
be helping, and husbands can be asked to do reasonable amounts of
chores, too, depending on their own work schedules.
- Who should
clean the toilets?
Whoever’s best at it and
has the most time! Children can be taught to clean toilets by the
time they’re 6 or 7, and many actually enjoy the job! If you tie
chores to allowances, they’re more likely to get them done, you’re
less likely to feel the need to yell or nag, and your kids learn
responsibility with money, too! Besides that, remember: the best
gift you could give your future daughter-in-law is a husband who
grew up cleaning toilets! Think how great that marriage will be.
- Should
husbands do housework?
"It depends". If
your husband is working 80 hours a week, and he can’t cut back,
it probably isn’t a good idea to require him to do the dishes,
too. But if you’re both working equal numbers of hours, then
negotiating some fair share is a good idea. Remember, if you’re
busy working all the time, then you won’t have time to spend as
a family! If you can divide up chores, they get done more quickly,
and you can enjoy each other.
- Does
housework really affect marriages?
The second leading cause of
divorce today is "role conflicts", or fights over who
should do what. Women are feeling taken for granted, and many are
leaving. Many more are staying, but they’re not happy. And when
we’re not happy, our ability to raise kids who love God and to
have a healthy, intimate marriage is compromised.
Housework itself is not the
problem; I think relationships are. If a woman is in a
relationship where she feels like everybody’s maid, then she’s
not going to feel like a friend or a confidante to her husband.
She’s going to be resentful. In To Love, Honor and Vacuum,
I outline steps women can take to encourage men who have the time
to do more of the family’s work. But I also help women find ways
to cope even if their husbands never feel the need to pick up a
vacuum cleaner!
- How can
kids benefit from doing chores?
