I know you mothers may find this hard to imagine, but I swear it’s true. A few nights ago, Katie woke up crying. And Keith woke up before I did. I know, I know, it seems unbelievable. But he actually took care of the whole thing, and I only woke up briefly to wonder what he was doing out of bed.

My husband’s wonderful. But when it comes to nighttime demands from children, I’ve generally found that he is, like most husbands, more or less useless.

This starts, I think, because men can’t nurse the baby. And when that baby is subsequently weaned, the husband isn’t used to responding to cries in the night, so the wife keeps getting up anyway.

If his pager goes off, though, Keith is up like a rocket. He can prescribe drugs when thirty seconds ago he was in la la land. But if our girls cry, he usually doesn’t hear it. Once, when we lived in Toronto, I was getting really sick of this. Rebecca was crying, Keith was snoring, and I was ready to scream. So I paged him. He woke up, called in for messages, and was told he needed to go get the baby. I haven’t resorted to the method since, and now I may not ever need to, since he’s getting up with the kids, too.

I don’t think, though, that this is because he’s suddenly become more attuned to their every need. I think it’s because I’ve become less attuned. Now that our girls generally sleep through the night, can make it to the toilet if they need to puke, and don’t pee in their beds, there’s less need for me to be on full alert at two in the morning. But it was not always that way.

Our kids were not great sleepers. My mother-in-law claims that her kids slept through the night when they were a month old. Obviously that trait skips a generation, because we never experienced it. And when Rebecca hit six months old, I was desperate.

A lot of parents go through this, but the solutions we pick can often make the problem worse. The most common is to let the kid sleep with you, something many experts advise. In the Middle Ages, the theory goes, everyone slept together, so why don’t we do it now? Well, in the Middle Ages, if you went to a hotel you also slept in the same bed with several assorted strangers, as well as numerous fleas and bedbugs. That may have been perfectly natural back then, but trust me, if the Quality Inn started pulling that stunt they’d lose a lot of business.

Nevertheless, sleeping altogether is seen as a great solution. The kid is less likely to wake up, and at least you don’t need to get out of bed when they do. But here’s the thing: my kids are not quiet sleepers. They flail, they groan, and they snort. And when they were babies, they also made those little sucking sounds, which are ever so cute when you’re leaning over the crib, and ever so annoying when you’re trying to drift off.

And then there’s the other problem: kids grow. And once they grow, they kick. Hard. Trust me. Every now and then Katie still climbs into bed, and then, when I’m in the middle of a wonderful dream, OOMPH. Right in the stomach. Or else she punches me in the eye.

Then there’s the perennial problem of romance. Some kids may not start off in your bed, but they do come in during the night, often at not so opportune times, if you get my drift. So there you and your spouse are, attempting to get "reacquainted", when who should decide to jump between you but your adorable toddler who wants to snuggle, too.

I never realized how important sleep was until I had kids and I no longer slept. If you’re exhausted and desperate, I know how you feel. Next week, I’ll tell you some of what doctors recommend. And then I’ll tell you what I’d really advise you to do.

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