How do you feel when someone insults your child? When a coach won’t put him in the front line-up; when a teacher tells you your daughter’s difficult; when a neighbour says she’s funny looking? You probably want to take a swing at them!

Well, what if a judge decided that your child shouldn’t have been born? That his life was a mistake? How would you feel then?

For 29 days I held a baby. I sang to him, I rocked him, I kissed him. I loved him as fiercely as I have ever loved anyone in my life. And then I said good-bye when the doctor brought him to me after they couldn’t revive him. Across the country, judges are ruling that babies like him can be considered "wrongfully born".

My son Christopher had Down Syndrome and a heart defect. We knew about it when I was 22 weeks pregnant. The most likely prognosis was that he would live for a few years, but would eventually die prematurely. Unfortunately, his life was even shorter than the doctors originally predicted.

Recently a couple in Saskatchewan, Canada, also had a child with Down Syndrome. Their daughter, though, survived. Evidently this was not their preferred outcome, since they sued the obstetrician for not giving them the opportunity to abort her in the first place. As angry as I feel at our legal system, I feel much sadder for this couple.

They are blessed with a child. That child will not be as intelligent as most children, and will likely have more health problems. That child may have difficulty living independently, and will be a source of concern over the years. But that child will also have more than the usual dose of generosity, compassion, and fun. She will love life. She will have a ready smile, and she will inspire one in those around her. Those born with Down Syndrome seem to have an extra "kindness" gene, for they are the flowers that bloom even in winter.

Yet this couple went to court because they believe she should not be here. Yes, having a child with birth defects is a tremendous disappointment; it’s a shock that alters our goals, our dreams, and even our ideas of who we are. The parents that I know with disabled children, though, report that their children are blessings. They would not have planned it, but the situation has made them kinder people. They have learned that what matters in life is not so much our successes, but our choices and attitudes along the way.

I hope and pray that this couple will one day see this. In the meantime, however, they are accelerating a fundamental change in our legal system that endangers us all. Where are we, as a society, if we believe "defects" renders one’s right to life null and void? What if genetic testing could identify all birth defects so we could abort everyone who wasn’t perfect? What would our attitude then be to our seniors with Alzheimer’s, or to those with other debilitating illnesses? It seems that we are evolving into a culture that believes we have the right to tailor-make our babies, and in so doing we’re losing our compassion for those who don’t meet our high standards.

Some judges fear this demise. Justice Timothy Studdert, of the Supreme Court of New South Wales in Australia, recently tossed out three similar cases, claiming that to do otherwise would have an erosive effect on our value of human life, as well as threaten the self-esteem of those who are born with disabilities. In this country, only half of the states allow these cases to proceed. Judges and legislators in the other states, like Studdert, still recognize the inherent value in all babies, something for which I am profoundly grateful.

If I had one wish in life, it would be that I could hold Christopher once again on this side of heaven. I would whisper "I love you" enough to last until I can see him again. My most precious possession is a box with a lock of his hair, his pacifier, and his handprints and footprints that were taken after he died. Everyone knows if there’s ever a fire, that’s what I care about most.

Many may think I had it easy. I only had him for 29 days, and I didn’t have to bear the burden of caring for him for the rest of his life. To a certain extent they may be right. But I would gladly bear that burden to hold him again. Those 29 days are the most precious of my life. I only hope that this couple can learn to love their daughter the way she is, too. We don’t choose our children, but we can choose either to love them or resent them. I know what most Down Syndrome people would choose. As a society, what will we?

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