Is what you believe about marriage getting in the way of a GREAT relationship?

Do you yearn to feel truly intimate with your spouse? Do you have this overwhelming feeling like you’re missing out on something–that God had so much more planned for your marriage, but you can’t quite figure out how to get there?When you’ve put into practice all the usual advice, but your marriage still falls short of the intimacy and joy you want, what then? Are patience and perseverance your only hope for a better relationship?

Author and speaker Sheila Wray Gregoire says, “Absolutely not!” The solution to a happier relationship is not found in being a more patient, more perfect wife, but in taking responsibility for what you can do—and especially for how you think about your marriage. She challenges you to replace pat Christian answers with nine biblical truths that will radically shift your perspective on your husband, your relationship, and your role in God’s design for marriage.

In this lively and engaging book, Sheila doesn’t just explode cultural myths about marriage and relationship and replace them with biblical truth; she also provides ultrapractical tasks for wives to apply every bit of their new knowledge. I love the emphasis on working on yourself first, rather than trying to change your spouse. Way to go, Sheila!

Shaunti Feldhahn
Shaunti FeldhahnSocial researcher and best-selling author of For Women Only

What a wonderful book! Sheila has such a delightful writing style that you forget you’re learning so much. The teaching points are inspiring, and the action steps truly can be marriage-transforming. Many readers will particularly appreciate Sheila’s delightful way of challenging conventional wisdom as she offers freshly applied biblical wisdom. One of the best things you could do for your spouse, your children, and your own happiness and contentment in the coming year is to read and apply Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage.

Gary Thomas
Gary ThomasBest-selling author of Sacred Marriage and A Lifelong Love

Tired of pat answers?

9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage is for you!

Have You Ever Been Told Things Like This…

  • Just pray more and your marriage will get better!
  • If you submit, he’ll start to lead.
  • Once you find your soulmate, you’ll finally be happy.
  • If you’re bothered by something, Duck! Let God smack him, not you.
  • Conflict is bad for a marriage; just love on him and the urge to fight will stop.

All of those things may sound true–and in some cases they are! But the reason they’re “pat answers” is that they’re not ALWAYS true. They take a complex problem and try to condense it to one-size-fits-all advice.

And quite often the advice doesn’t fit with your marriage.

I’m getting married this month, and people are coming out of the woodwork to give me marriage advice books. This one, though, I discovered on my own, and if I could keep only one marriage book for the rest of my life, this one would be it. It’s way more affirming of a wife’s privilege and responsibility to be proactive in areas where she is often encouraged to be passive instead – in handling conflict, managing household responsibilities, sex life, etc. My favorite part is Sheila’s focus on debunking the “pat answers” that well-meaning Christians often use in counseling Christian wives (i.e., “let go and let God”, “just pray about it”, “don’t let your husband know you disagree with him”). Interestingly, a good many other marriage books for wives that I’ve encountered, are almost entirely composed of these pat answers! This book, though, is a breath of fresh air. If I could rate it six stars, I would.

Newlywed Blog Reader
Newlywed Blog Reader

Who Can Change Your Marriage?

God certainly can. Your husband certainly can.

But what if God is waiting for you to do something? And what if you’re spending your time feeling stuck–feeling like if you just love enough or pray enough then either your husband or God will give you the bliss you’ve dreamed of.

That’s a little manipulative.

It’s saying: I’ll be loving to get him to change. I’ll pray to get my husband to change.

What if you’re the one who has to change?

Why Should I Have to Change?

God certainly can. Your husband certainly can.

But what if God is waiting for you to do something? And what if you’re spending your time feeling stuck–feeling like if you just love enough or pray enough then either your husband or God will give you the bliss you’ve dreamed of.

That’s a little manipulative.

It’s saying: I’ll be loving to get him to change. I’ll pray to get my husband to change.

What if you’re the one who has to change?

In this lively and engaging book, Sheila doesn’t just explode cultural myths about marriage and relationship and replace them with biblical truth; she also provides ultrapractical tasks for wives to apply every bit of their new knowledge. I love the emphasis on working on yourself first, rather than trying to change your spouse. Way to go, Sheila!

Ruth Schwenk
Ruth SchwenkSpeaker, author, and creator of TheBetterMom.com

We’ve all heard the adage, ‘It takes two to make a marriage work.’ And it’s true. But with Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, Sheila Wray Gregoire gives women powerful tools to make a huge difference in their marriages all on their own. Instead of focusing on what our husbands should do, Sheila helps us focus on what we as wives actually can do. Actionable, empowering, and freeing. A must read for every woman who wonders if her marriage could be better.

Kathi Lipp
Kathi LippAuthor of The Husband Project and Clutter Free

What Are Some of the Thoughts That Can Change My Marriage?

  • My Husband Can’t Make Me Mad
  • Being One Is More Important Than Being Right
  • Having Sex Is Not the Same as Making Love
  • I’m Called to Be a PeaceMAKER not a PeaceKEEPER
  • Drifting is natural. Staying Together Takes Work!
  • ….and lots more!

But we could sum it up like this:

I’m called to be good. I’m not necessarily called to always be nice.

In my research with happy marriages, I’ve found that happy wives have one thing in common: they know that happiness doesn’t just happen. Sheila gives great ideas that challenge our conventional thinking about what goes into a happy marriage—and she nails it! Here’s to a new generation of happy wives.

Fawn Weaver
Fawn WeaverNew York Times best-selling author of Happy Wives Club

What I love most about Sheila is that she writes from experience, not just theory. She is transparent about how her own faulty thinking created struggles early in her marriage, and she celebrates how God redeemed her situation to create the beautiful relationship she now enjoys with her husband. Through this, readers will be encouraged that a transformed marriage relationship just may start in changing their own way of thinking.

Erin Odom
Erin OdomCreator of TheHumbledHomemaker.com and author of Your Retreat: A Guide to Giving Yourself a Personal Planning Day

Your transparency with your feelings resonated deeply with me. I expected the book to be good, but I didn’t expect it to speak to me so personally.

Forgiven Wife
Forgiven WifeForgiven Wife.com

Who will benefit from this book?

  • Newlyweds who want to start off well!
  • Couples for whom life has become blah and too routine–and who want a boost!
  • Wives who feel like, “we have the same fight over and over again–and it never gets better!” Get off that cycle now.
  • Wives who are struggling with a husband’s sin, and see no real solution

In other words–just about every wife! Whether your marriage is good, great, or struggling, I sort through a lot of the bad advice we often hear and take us back to Scripture–to the other passages that speak about how we’re to treat our husbands.

Too often when we talk about marriage in the church we confine ourselves to the “marriage passages”–Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3, or 1 Corinthians 7. But what if the rest of Scripture has something to say, too?

I challenge women to look beyond our conventional wisdom and back to what God wants us to do to create relationships where everyone is looking more like Christ. Because that’s what He really wants!

Heather King

More than just cliches of marriage advice!

Sheila Wray Gregoire’s new book, 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, accomplishes something quite difficult: Saying something fresh about marriage. After reading and/or reviewing so many marriage books that focus on male/female communication and seeing the world as either pink or blue and offer cute little catchphrases, I loved how Gregoire dug a bit deeper. She tackles commonly held cliches or superficial Christian marriage beliefs and replaces them with 9 thoughts that could change the way you think about what it means to love your husband.

Heather KingAmazon Review
Amanda Levy

9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage by Sheila Wray Gregoire tackled some closely held beliefs that we as women cling to when in actually they are not biblical or healthy to our thought life when it comes to having a strong marriage. The author gives insight and tools to help us replace these negative beliefs with 9 thoughts that could revolutionize our marriages if taken to heart and put into practice. I specifically liked how I was challenged in each chapter with a thought, action steps and then a summary portion for another opportunity to reflect and meditate on my growth spiritually as it specifically relates to my marriage.

Amanda LevyAmazon Review
N. Shoemaker

Great book with lots of practical advice!

In 9 Thoughts that Can Change Your Marriage, Sheila Wray Gregoire tackles several — nine, to be exact — misconceptions that we Christians bring into marriage. She refutes them practically and biblically in a winsome way.

I’ve read several marriage books recently, and they were all filled with practical, godly wisdom. But they were all written by men, and I didn’t even realize what they were lacking until I read this book by Gregoire. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with books by men, but reading this book was like having tea with a friend who understands what I think and how I feel. I especially enjoyed it when I would read something and think, “You mean, I’m not the only one?”

Each chapter contains several suggestions that can help to improve your marriage, if of course, you follow them. I appreciated the listing of these suggestions at the end of each chapter for an easy reference later on instead of having to search through every chapter.

Even if you have a great marriage, I’m willing to bet that you could improve it even a little bit by reading this book.

N. ShoemakerAmazon Review
Jenn Gigowski

Truly, this is one of the most life-changing books on marriage I have ever read.

There are many marriage relationship books I’ve read over the last 17 years of marriage. Honestly, most of them haven’t really “stuck” and some of them I didn’t even get all the way through. This book, on the other hand, is one that really hit home with me. The author is so wise yet down-to-earth in each of the chapters. She describes several of the lies many of us women believe and gives us an action plan to turn things around to the betterment of our marriages. I love the practical applications she offers and how she isn’t afraid to tell us all about her failures and shortcomings – authenticity is a big deal for me.

Things that should be common sense to us really aren’t and need to be broken down easily, and the author does that well. Truly, this is one of the most life-changing books on marriage I have ever read. I suggest that any wife-to-be or wife read it, whether she thinks her marriage is perfect, or whether she’s ready to call it quits. Every wife can glean something from Sheila’s words of wisdom. It would be a wonderful wedding or wedding shower gift so the young women in your life can get started the right way, instead of needing to backtrack and fix problems later in a marriage.

Jenn GigowskiAmazon Review
R. Troyer

This book surprised me…in a good way.

I found Sheila to have a very practical, realistic, and Biblical view of marriage, and of men and women.

Sheila’s perspective is accurate: we can only change ourselves. And in changing ourselves, we change the dynamic of our marriages. We CAN change our perspective on our husbands: which in many, many cases is equivalent to “changing our husbands”, because it forces us to look at him in a different light. At the same time, she cautions against being blinded to sin, and instead wisely suggests that men who are sinning be able to reap the consequences of whatever their choices are…instead of women blindly “submitting” to his every whim.

I very much appreciated her practical ideas for applying the wisdom in this book. Each chapter has first a “thought that can change your marriage” (example: I’m Not in Competition With My Husband), and a number of “action steps” within these chapters, and then lists them all at the end of the chapter in summary (example: Find a practical way every day to put your husband’s needs and preferences first).

In each chapter, she also has “pat answers”, or: “incorrect thoughts we’ve always been taught”, and then explains thoroughly what is the more accurate, Biblical solution to any one “pat answer”. For example, a pat answer would be: “The husband is the authority in the family. In a disagreement, he decides, and she obeys. When you do this, the family will experience God’s blessing.” She then goes on to explain submission, what the Greek word actually means, and how it might practically apply to a marriage.

R. TroyerAmazon Review
Lindsey Bell

If you’re looking for a new marriage book to dig into, I highly recommend Sheila’s new book.

It offers REAL solutions to REAL problems people face in their marriages. And it does so without giving pat Christian answers.

Lindsey BellAmazon Review

Get the book today!